#2020YearofPurpose Series: Week 2: So If You’re Not You... Who Are You?
Hey Girl! It’s Allyson...
So we’re into Week 2 of this series on Identity. Week One was all about not being sure about your identity because of the identity you’ve created. Whether it was created when you were younger to protect yourself after trauma, or to make yourself more “acceptable” to the world around you, you created another person to be. When I asked last week “If no one told you who you were... who would you be?”, I already knew the answer...
You didn’t know.
Now we’re in Week Two, where I want to know who you are NOW. Who is the person you’ve created and made yourself out to be? Whether it was protection from trauma, rejection, heartbreak, or to simply get “ahead” in life, who is the person you’ve been pretending to be?
I remember when I was in my junior year of college and had over 10 partners I had been somewhat sexually active with, ranging from oral sex to allowing strange men who I wasn’t even interested in into my most personal and precious space.
After a “Friends With Benefits” night out, I was being dropped off at my dorm the next morning. As I took that walk of shame towards my room, I hurried down the dorm room hallway, praying that no one came out to see me creeping back in after the sun had come up. When I arrived at my room, I swiped my card and hurried in. I went straight to the bathroom to continue my ritual of washing off any remnant of the night before. It started with standing in the mirror and prepping my hair to be put under my bonnet or scarf and getting into the shower to scrub myself clean.
But as I looked in the mirror, I actually LOOKED in the mirror.
It took me a minute, but after wiping my eyes and blinking a few times, I realized that the person staring back at me was someone I didn’t know. There was a stranger staring back at me.
This was my crossroads moment. I would either ignore the gut feeling I had that whoever that was staring back at me WASN’T me, or I would gather up what strength the REAL me had left, and change the direction my life was headed.
I chose the REAL me.
But how did I know that the woman staring back wasn’t me?
I believe that no matter what you’ve endured, no matter the mistakes that you’ve made or trauma you’ve experienced, somewhere, deep inside, is the REAL you. She still lives.
There was no way I could look in the mirror and recognize the FAKE me, unless the REAL me was still somewhere inside to identify the imposter.
The REAL you is still inside. But to get to HER, you have to confront, recognize, and identity the IMPOSTER. She’s the one you’ve invited in to help you cope, protect yourself, and help you to fit in.
So who is she?